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Beautiful Downtown Kaboomsk
- center city on the left, the main motorway in the foreground and the
city's famous landmark "leaking plutonium tanks" in the center. They are
the only man made structures on earth that can be seen from outside our
galaxy with radiation detectors.
The industrial city of Kaboomsk is the site of Uflarkistan's largest
single industrial plant, the former Uflark SSR Kaboomsk State Briefcase, Luggage and Nuclear
Weapons Factory. It was built in the 1950's as the Soviet Union's
central suitcase manufacturing plant. Intended to outshine luggage
factories in the West, it was built to gigantic standards employing over
100,000 workers. The plant fell on hard times as tens of millions of
suitcases piled up in warehouses because of a mistake made in the
Kremlin's central planning system. It had been forgotten that no one in
the Soviet Union was allowed to travel.
Rather than shut the plant down and lay off the
workers, a decision was made to use the expertise at the factory and
shift it's production from luggage to nuclear weapons. The plant was
transferred from the Durable Consumer Goods Making Ministry to the
Medium Machine Building Ministry and an ambitious new production plan
was implemented. The conversion was not
without its problems however. Engineers and designers accustomed to
producing travel bags and hat cases were now responsible for hydrogen
bomb assembly and neutron detonator development. Due to the rushed
production schedule of the cold war there were a number of unfortunate
mishaps, such as the one which took place on October 17, 1963 with an
RDS-6s Hydrogen Bomb. The RDS-6s used a
U-235 fissile core surrounded by alternating layers of fusion fuel
(lithium-6 deuteride spiked with tritium), and fusion tamper (natural
uranium) inside a high explosive implosion system. The inner core was
based on a design reversed engineered from an American Tourister
Travelodger-III dresser trunk. The small U-235 fission bomb, assembled
inside a leatherette hatbox was to act as the trigger (about 40 kt). The
fuse was based on a standard combination lock. However the case's hinges
were not properly designed to restrain the device's weight and popped
open unintentionally when it was moved to a different part of the plant.
It exploded and vaporized everything within a 40 mile radius. Moscow's
official explanation for the disaster was that a bird had landed on a
power line.
In 1987 the Kaboomsk Plant was officially
transferred to the Uflark SSR Medium to Heavy Industrial Enterprises
Ministry. It began the long process of conversion back to civilian
production of suitcases without atomic bombs. Although this might seem
to be a simple process, it was in fact quite complicated and a few small
production errors have delayed the plant's full re-opening. Problems
have included minor issues with the quality of fit and finish and
several regrettable, but rare incidents where leftover nuclear devices
detonated in retail stores.
Kaboomsk is also involved in the forefront of
Uflarkistan's pioneering efforts to curb the spread of nuclear weapons
to the Third World countries, particularly those in Central Asia and
Europe. In 2005, the Kaboomsk plant, in cooperation with, and funded by
the United States Government, initiated a recall of over 70,000 suitcase
nuclear weapons built between 1962 and 1986 using a database created
from warranty registration cards. Thanks to the excellent
record keeping of the Kaboomsk workers over 99% of the weapons were
found and returned to the plant for disassembly and disarming. The
remaining 300 or so suitcase bombs are presumed to be either misplaced,
discarded or sold on eBay and no longer covered under any warranty.
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